I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize