the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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