My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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