I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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