If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend