my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
bring money and cleavage
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
