He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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