I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
