The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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