I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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