You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
