This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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