My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
