wake up i wanna do it froggy style
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
