Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Randomize