I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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