I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
