she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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