I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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