We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize