i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
