My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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