you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
