We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
