She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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