She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
