I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize