Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
