Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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