I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The air taste purple.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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