Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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