Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
