Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
