forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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