God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
