Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize