You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
