that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I looked at my own cervix.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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