I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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