I can text with my tongue
Its about making memories worth repressing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
