so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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