Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina