At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.