some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.