Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
