You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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