just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
