The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
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I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest