Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day