I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
cat food counts as protein by the way
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.