You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Who died my cat blue again?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!