just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?