Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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