His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
