you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
