He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
